I guess it's time to leave :(

There are just two options NO GREY just pure black and white
it's either
a. Take him back completely
or
b. Leave him completely

Just a while ago I saw you in Destillery while we were there drinking, then boom my mood changed. I guess I'm really that affected after seeing you for the past few days and knowing that you have someone else. But what bothers me the most, is that after the drinking dancing and eating 3:30am I passed by and I saw your car... :( I was and still is very sad.. I guess angry? jealous? fucked up. Why do I have to see you and now I think


my decision would be to leave you, I know I really do do love you but I can't accept that one mind set of you. NO GREY because being with you just makes me attach and worst hurts me every time I see you flirts and have fun.. without me. 


I guess I have to really let you go... cause I see you're now moving one. maybe If you text me tom before 4am maybe I'll change my mind. But as of now I think it's time for me to leave. set you free and don't get jealous. or else i will just get hurt and hurt. I wish to find the perfect person for me :(

Because the more that I feel alone the more that I make pathetic decisions.. trying to hit on someone not worth it or just for a permanent thing.:( Lord please help me... I  don't want to be sad and lonely anymore. Promise i'll be good just give me the almost perfect person that I want:(

"I just wanna be a sky vodka. Not so expensive but everyone appreciates it. Has a perfect price for a good drink but will still make you happy and contended. Just perfect. Can be for the most "sosyal" person but still save money for more diamonds and cars."

BV!

CAN I JUST SAY


FUCK YOU FRIENDS. FUCK ALL THE PEOPLE CANCELING. I HATE THIS DAY.
I am looking for NEW set of friend! I'm never making plans, I'm never inviting.


WHATEVER!!!!

LONELY

Once again it's the time of the year

Love 

It's the time of the year again when I'm feeling depressed and down. Alone, useless and IRRELEVANT. I wish I had someone, I don't wish that it's you but I just wish the I had someone who I could talk to about everything and will accept me for the childish, fun party boy that I am. :(((  I know it's not you, I found it but I screwed it up. And now I'm alone. alone again at this time of the year. Christmas is the worst time ofrelies the year for me when you're alone. All the christmas songs playing, and most specially about lovers. But how about those alone man or woman who only relies for a good christmas not with his family but with his special someone. How about me? who will love me this christmas day? For whom will I spend my money and time looking for gifts if I don't have someone. I just want to cry, now. Here we go again, how I hate this feeling. I know I have to move one, because I know you're not starting to move one. yes, it makes me so sad because I want to be that person but I can't accept you :( So I guess we both just have to move on. I MEAN it's me ho have to move one, just me. I thought I moved on already but the truth is not yet... I still do love you and care for you it's just that I can't because you're still like that. And you know I can't accept that besides from your bratty self.. I think I just have to find someone, or worst learn to live alone.

Friends

Don't mistake me from hating them, i do love all of my friends but I'm just looking for a new set of friends who would be there all the time and ready to party with me. Yeah I know partying all the time is bad, but when you want to find someone, drink to forget something, unwind because you're sick of your life you just wanna go out dinner, drink and dance. And I can't do that alone:( I need a new set of friends who would party with me because I'm sad and wants to forget everything...   I don't want to get rid of my friends. Don't mistake me for that. They're just different. They like to eat dinner and talk AND GO HOME EARLY. They could stay late I guess but I have to give them money and bring them all home. As for my other set of friends, they have other priorities. It's a set of friends where it's composed of lovers and again connected to my first topic. Who is my partner? :( They would just cancel on the very last minute because they have their companion always there. And me? Once they cancel who will I go with? :( and I'm on my way.. It's just me.. alone.. again... I don't have someone who will be there ready to go with me anytime anywhere. So what now? I guess that's the key, really is to have a special someone.. and guess what I don't have one.

Work

I'm quitting my job, why? The truth is, it's too far. I guess I'm stupid because I know for a fact that 

1. It's a fucking good company with good products

2. My pay is really high reaching to almost 30 thousand per month for a FIRST job.

3. It's a chill job I can do Facebook, not go to work go anywhere and still don't get caught.

So why am I quitting?

1. It's eating all of my time.

-That's basically it. Time for what? To go to the gym, exercise, meet with my friends and be with someone(which I don't have) PLUS it's fucking probinsya and far which makes me so tired.. MAYBE I'm just really immature because I want something which I know is impossible for me to get. It's really a good company, they tried their try best to make me open up to them by performing and leading the prayer but it all boils to me being the quiet and shy person I am. And yes I am shy when it comes to work/school. In a classroom setting or in a meeting setting. I'm just really shy to express what's in my mind when I know I may be wrong BECAUSE I'm new. and do you think it's only in the beginning? No you're wrong, I'll get very used to it and won't be talking for the rest of my life. I guess I can't start wrong, because once I do? It's gonna be wrong for the rest of my life.

My first real blog.

You keep on saying the same thing, same promises, and same reasons of apologizing. You also keep on saying that now you've learned. But why don't I feel it? Why do I feel like you only need me and you will need me is when you're alone. The only time that you really love me and will be forever by my side is when YOU ARE ALONE. Look what's happening today, I know for a fact that you're with you're friend and not a single text from you have reached my cellphone. And then you will say that you will not give up on me? that you will fight for me? and you are showing how much you love me? well, TALK SHIT! fuck you! I'm getting tired of your immaturity. You love me because you need me. It's not the other way around. You love me because you have no one else to go to when you're alone, no one else to be with at most of the time therefore you love me? Is that acceptable? I have become a need and not a want. A need and JUST a need. But if you have found someone else such as friends, groups, and or activities (just like today) then you won't be needing me anymore. Sometimes I just wonder if you're really mature enough.

Which reminds me, the other day I went out with a friend of mine(I know it's not right going out with friends without tell you). But what the hell! are we even together? and just so you know you did the same thing with me and the bad thing is I won't even find out if I didn't stalk you or I didn't make a way. Anyway from yesterday I again found out another secret of yours, another guy involved and again I WAS SHOCKED. shocked not with what you did, because again, what the hell. I expected the worst I was shocked because again you didn't tel me. And this person is a friend of ours whom I though I can trust. But never the less I didn't like that person in the first place anyway. He's just another waste of time for me. I never really trusted that person.

As for my academics, It's been the third time. I've been fighting for this, and now  the time is almost ending. I'm almost graduating but not because of this subject I'm not:( These subjects are big hindrance into my march on June. I told my parents already, they even bought my graduation gift. But no again it I'm giving false hope for my parents, my friends and most especially for my friends. I feel such a waste. I feel so useless and so pathetic. 2 subjects in my live I couldn't pass. Why?:( I wanna cry so badly but I guess it's just me the patapon life I have. I get jealous when I see some previous clasmates taking up law already, when I see my batchmates graduating agian and more especially when I see my kabarkada working already. And me? I'm still stuck in school with only 2 fucking subjects. Right now I've given up almost everything, even my love life just for this. I just hope that this sumer everything would be worth it. I just hope so...

Sayang...

Happy Anniversary


Today WAS suppose to be the day, but I guess not. You cheated on me a month ago, I guess it's just happy Easter. This was supose to be a celebration we've been waiting for but again I guess not cause I suck and you suck more. SO Whatver.

":( Good night"

Signing off

I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING THIS ANYMORE.

It's time to move on..

Once is enough, twice is too much, thrice is STUPIDITY. agree?

Right now giving up is ALREADY an option. I cant wait for you to mature, and while waiting should I be a rock? Because if not i'd get hurt for sure ALL THE TIME. From all of the lying then sad;y I figure out.

I do love you but like what I've been saying, I can't live in doubts, and fears.
I'd rather be single and actually start looking for someone that waste my time with you when I know for a fact the eventually you will cheat big time and I WILL LEAVE YOU.

:'(

P.S. Please prove me wrong..

HINDI KO MA TAKE.

SINUNGALAING KA!.
SINUNGALAING KA!.
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SINUNGALAING KA!.
                                               nanaman...

Liars will forever be liars.

Balang araw sasabog nalang ako. Balang araw biglang hindi ko nalang kakayanin at iiwan kita. Hinihintay ko nalang na nawin mo, yun lang at papalayain kita tulag ng magiging pagpapalaya ko sa sarili ko.

Siguro nga masyado ako naging kampante, siguro nga naniwala ako masyado at nag tiwala NANAMAN. Pero isa lang ang kinasisisgurado ko ISA nalang talaga. huling isang pagkakataon sana'y wag mo sayangin. Sa oras na ito pababayaan kita, pababayaan kita na gawin ang lahat. Tapos ako'y magihintay na gawin mo ang pinakagrabe. kung sa ganoon hindi na ko mahihirapan na iwanan ka, oo sige masasaktan mo ako pero walang awa akong makikita para sa sarili ko dahil alam kong niloko mo ko.

Ngayon, ang tanong tama nga ba ang ginagawa ko?  Ngaun lang akong naging ganito, nagiging tanga na nga ba ako? nagpapauto sa paulit ulit mong pangloloko.

Ang una ay okay lang pagbigyan, ang ikalawa ay katangahan at ikatlo ay KATARANTADUAHAN! KAGAGUHAN! KAPUTANINAHAN! ikatlong beses mong gawin hindi ko na mapapatawad ang sarili ko

MUSIKA? minsan masaya, pero ngaun? maaaring pinasaya ka nya dahil sa musikang nagawa nya, pero dinurog mo ako sa musika ng ngiti mo at SA MUSIKA NG KASINUNGALINGAN MO.  Hindi ka na natututo at di kailanma'y matututo. Ginawa mo sakin noon , kahapon at ngayon pano ba bukas? bukas kung kailang binigay ko na lahat sayo. Hindi ako makakapayag, isa kalang BATA. Batang isip, batang asta bata bata bata! maari nga hindi ako nararapat sayo. Siguro nga ang bata ay dapat bata rin ang katapat. Hindi ang katulad ko na matanda. Siguro hindi ka pa kunto at hindi ka pa tapos sa paglalaro. Siguro nga hindi talaga ikaw...

2011

Dear 2011

LOVE
   To do: Learn to trust more.
   Wish: To be happy, contented and satisfied.

GRADES
   To do: This last term I will study, do my homeworks and read my lessons.
   Wish: To pass all of my remaining subjects ESPECIALLY accounting and graduate after my OJT.

 FAMILY
   To do: To be more open to them.
   Wish: To have a more bonded family and relatives.

 CHEER:
   To do: Consistency in everything.
   Wish: A pass which I could contribute.

CAREER:

   To do: Impress with work with what I have and what I am.
   Wish: Have a good OJT company that will be the start of my career.

All in all
   To do: Decide on what I really want.
   Wish: For everyone to accept me who I really am.


 Goodbye 2010 you some of you have destroyed me as a person but I will continue to fight for myself. For as long as I know what I'm doing is what I want then I'm happy. No matter what the consequences are. I will fight for my life, my love myself. Thank you friends, family and you for being with me. Everyday I'm learning and everyday we will live life with no regrets nor expectations.

HELLO!

Heartaching pounding someone's smashing

I'm not happy with this night.. I just wished you didn't sleep here because it's like sleeping alone. You didn't even say good night not hugged me. You knew something was wrong with me.. but what did you do? NOTHING. again you've given up.

I'm not feeling happy anymore, everything's not the say anymore..

Effort

I miss you now :((( I know you love me and I want to be with you now and never ever let go but...

If this is what I have to do for you to learn, if this is for the better you and me if this is for our love then I will take all this pain. 

Right now I'm dying.

Every time my cell phone makes a sound my heart pounds like hell wishing it's you. 

Every time someone knocks on my door I'm open it right away because I'm hoping it's you.

I'm even hoping that you read all of this just for you to give a hint that I really do love you and I just want you to learn.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME :( I know I left you now but I'm so afraid that what if this would make you feel that you don't need me after all. That you will find someone better than me :((

I guess that's the risk of it...And I will risk it. Because I'd rather suffer now than suffer(worst) again after a month or two.

This is driving me crazy. Well I know you can do it, I know you can wait I know, I know :( I hope so, please do. It's hard but I know you will fight for it, don't give up to easily. You can do it right?

I love you so so much.. and don't ever think that I gave up on you that easy, how I wish you didn't do that everything would be perfect then. But no it's not so i will just patiently, painfully, wait for you.

To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is I’d catch a grenade for ya

Trying to hold on but didn’t even know YOU wasted it all

"Space? We'll see about that if it will help or ill get used to it."

For you or for me?

Hey you, thank you so much for everything. You've been so great the past 6 months, I can't believe how strong we're going. It's amazing. :) When I was in the car earlier, I was watching the amazing race again, and I was imagining you and me there. How cool would that be? If we could travel together like that, just the both of us. Away from the world we're living in now.. I wish I could be with you now. I want to hug you.. I need you with me always.. When I'm not with you, like now, I feel so lonely. :( I just patiently wait here, for you to text me that you're done.. Patiently ah, meaning I'm used to it already. Haha. I wish you could move closer to me, like next door or something. So we could chill together alwaysss like in the movies! That would so sweet and perfect. But I guess I'll have to wait until the day we live together. I always want to tell you how proud I am. We've grown so much from when we started. There were so many issues that tried to bring us down, but we always fought our way through to make this work. It shows me how special this relationship is to you, and even though it isn't perfect always, you still keep me close. And you don't give up on me when I make mistakes. I've matured so much from how I was before, I honestly do learn from my past. And I don't intend on history repeating itself. I'm confident that we can make this go as far as we want it to. We just need to keep being there for each other, and keep understanding each other in every way possible, since that's what people do when they love each other.

I'll miss you...

:'(

Text me kung nandito ka na

After EVERYTHING that happened what do you expect me to feel? At first I thought of the fairytale scene where I would find you infront of my house waiting outside the rain. But no.. you had my hopes very high. I checked the window and I see no one but just my reflection "umaasa."
Then it hit me, that message is not for me that's for someone else going to your house. someone who wou will meet up with cuddle with, kiss, sleep with in short my replacement. I know you did that already to your ex and why not do it to me? You've been caught and then why not just do it. "We're not together by that time." I could remember those lines coming from your mouth when you told me about that.
3days ago, I know I will forgive you and want to be with you again. But now? I'm starting to doubt.. can you really be my sweet serendipity? Is it really worth it?
I'm even doubting if you will ever fight for me or just give up and get mad. Like what you do always when we fight,
1.I get mad
2.You say sorry
3.I don't forgive
4.You get mad
5.You give up
6.I give in
7.We're happy again


Now what will happen is step number 6 is not do be done? does that mean that no happiness will happen?

I guess I don't know.. nothing..

You think I don't know but I really do

I hate it whenever I know and you don't know that I know. Sometimes I really get hurt with your so called friendliness because it's not just friendliness.



You're having fun with that but with me knowing it burns my heart and and :(((( makes me really feel bad. It's like you cheating all over again. What if that goes on and you fall in love. Now what's left for me? The investment will be just so useless.

But now I just let it all up to you, it's all you but like what I always say if you're JUST gonna live me then leave me now. Don't waste my time because I want this time of mine to be devoted for the one I love and will love forever.

Hopefully it's you...